Monday, February 25, 2008

Deflated

Have you ever had one of those moments where your resolve was tested - and you failed? Of course, we all have. Every time this happens you feel a tiny bit more deflated, like the fat chick deep inside of you has won some small victory.
On Saturday night Mark asked me if I wanted a glass of wine, and I did, so I had one. I enjoyed it and accepted his offer of a second glass. After that, I was satisfied and done. When he came with the bottle to automatically pour me a third I graciously said, "No thank you. I'm done." That should have been the end of that. I'm sad to report that it was not.
See, I really didn't want another drink and what followed left me feeling week and violated. Seriously, there is always more to a situation than just the situation. There are the underlying feelings. It's not about 150 calories or weakened resolve. It's about more than that, and if you've every been there, you'll understand.
Mark became immediately offended and began spouting off about how there was only one more glass in the bottle, that I should just drink it and be done with it. I was tired and just gave up. He was gleeful as he poured my third glass of wine and handed it over. Joyful that he had a 'drinking partner' as he consumed another beer. For some reason this always makes him happy. For me, I think it's sad that drinking a beer brings him so much joy.
I did not enjoy this last wine, thinking "3pts down the drain" - which is of course where I should have put it, but that would have left Mark deflated and upset, so I sucked it back. Then I felt tired and ended up falling asleep on the couch. I was still tired the next day with a headache always on the edge of development. You know the kind - you can quench it with a Tylenol and some water, but there's that slight pressure letting you know that it's still there. A cold hand on the forehead felt so soothing.
So, what is the big deal? I had too much to drink and paid for it the next day. It was 3 pts - so what? The point was, I thought I was supported and I feel betrayed that my first 'No thank you' was not respected. I feel deflated that I worried more about Marks feelings than he did about mine. I feel deflated and worry that it's easier to just give in to bad habits than fight against them.
What am I going to do? I'm going to show Mark this post. I'm going to tell him that support is repecting my 'No thank you's' the first time I say them and that I'm just not interested in being his drinking partner anymore. I'm going to also tell him, while I'm at it, that he doesn't need to tell everyone that asks that I've gone to Weight Watchers, but just that I'm working hard at being healthy and leave it at that.
I'm also going to make sure I'm rested enough to fight future assaults when they come. Why can't people just accept 'No' as 'No'?

6 comments:

CaRoLyN said...

Ugh. I know exactly what you mean. Esecially when you tell yourself you don't need it and then you give in - for whatever reason. You just feel disappointed in yourself. I find too with some people (My MIL especially) she will not take no for an swer or she'll ask me 3 times if I want dessert and if I say no it's "Well, why don't you want dessert, are you SURE you don't want dessert" and honestly for the most part I almost feel like she is trying to sabotage my good healthy eating because she's been gaining weight and I've been losing. She's always been way smaller than me so I can tell it annoys her a little.

With your hubby though, I would definitely talk it out with him and tell him exactly how you feel. I'm sure he'll understand.

jodi said...

i think it's great that you want to show this post to your hubby but even better - talk to him about it as well... guys just have a tendency to do things w/out thinking, so i'm sure the wine-thing wasn't meant to derail you but it's important for him to know how you're feeling regardless... once he understands how important this weightloss effort is to you, i would hope he'd be more supportive... :o)

HappyBlogChick said...

How frustrating. I'm sorry.

It took YEARS for my husband to be on the same page as me from a fitness perspective. There were many, many talks. My fingers are crossed that this one will do the trick for you guys.

Randi said...

I know you feel sad and deflated about this. But reading your post made me want to cheer and clap for you! This is a great post. It feels so perfect to have identified the problem, how it made you feel, and are taking steps to address it. Well done! With this kind of approach there is nothing you can't do!

tallmama said...

Sorry to hear about the situation. How true is that; that it's always more than the surface stuff. Hopefully you can talk to hubby and get on your page. Really it should have been no big deal you saying no...
Chin up :~)

What's the Skinny said...

i can totally relate! everyone i know expects me to be the "desserts" girl and eat dessert until the cows come home. well, the other day i had a similar (to your wine) incident with my mom over cake. it was HARD. it's so hard to say no already. but to have to fight someone else. we want to be kind and please people. what can we do.

you SHOULD be respected at the first no. it's just hard to get some people to undertand that no really means NO.

GOOD FOR YOU! have that talk and then let it be. you'll be glad you did!!

you're awesome!!

Year 2 - May 28/08-Current