Monday, August 13, 2007

Download the Bad - Maybe tomorrow I can pull out the good

OK, I mentioned the other day that there was Good, Bad and Ugly over vacation. I guess I just really got my feelings hurt and maybe putting the Bad out there will let me let go of it.

First, my mother said that she was not going to rent out her cottage during my vacation, but then called me up at the last minute to say that she had the opportunity to rent it, and was sure I wouldn't mind. Well, I'm nothing if not flexible, so I arranged my schedule to include a few days at home and a few with my mil. Now, my m-i-l either has alzheimers or brain cancer. Taking her to her cottage with my kids worked out pretty good considering, but she got off her meds the last of it, the kids argued the whole time we were there. There were also lots of horsefly's, and a mucky, crab-grassy beach. Went swimming with the kids on Friday and was dodging large clumps of seaweed. I tried to get the 9yo away from one, but...too late, she spotted the dead mouse on top of it and freaked. This traumatized the 4yo to no end and I couldn't even get her in the ocean at the 'sandy' beach where you could see the bottom after that. I couldn't wait to get to my Mom's cottage Sat morn. after the renters left.

Anyway, on Saturday, my m-i-l through a tantrum and wanted her car back from s-i-l who needed it as hers was at a 3-day concert with her 17 yo. She was trying to get ready for an open house and needed to get all of her animals out Sunday morning. Long story short, I loaned her my car and was 'stuck' at m-i-l's house until Sun afternoon. All the kids did was watch TV for 24 hrs, grrr.

OK, so we're off to my Mom's. Mom and Mark do not get on so well. She's been trying for the last couple of years, but there's a lot of water under that bridge. Anyway, that's why we were going to go back to m-i-l's cottage - so that he wouldn't have to spend a weekend around her. I talked him into coming up as the kids and I really wanted to stay (and we really didn't want to go back to the other beach) and he agreed. Sunday night myself and the girls were told to bring in our sleeping bags because 'they' were coming tomorrow and she didn't want us in the sheets - should have been my first clue.

My sister landed on Monday and the girls and I slept in the tent 2 nights running. They were upset about sleeping in the tent, but my Mom made it clear that the cottage was for sis, not me. The 3rd night it was going to storm, so we were invited to take down our tent and sleep over at Mom's boyfriends cottage (they've been dating and living together for a few years, and that is where she lives). It is only a few minutes down the road. This is where the hurt comes in. Thursday morning, Mom made it clear that we were no longer welcome. She 'couldn't' let us stay at their place, because it wasn't hers. She promised my sister the cottage, so I couldn't stay there any longer, not even in a tent on the side lot. It was strongly suggested that we go back to m-i-l's cottage for the weekend. I could surely come back on the weekends, she said. Problems I see with this:

1. We were sleeping in a tent in the yard. Who was that hurting?
2. Mark would have gone up at least for a visit to see his niece and nephew that we haven't seen for 2 years, but we clearly weren't welcome.
3. The cottage has been rented steady - sis is there until the 18th, then is occupied by Mom and her BF while his dd's get his cottage - tell me when I'm supposed to go up? In the fall?
4. You don't do that to family.
5. You just don't do that to family.

Furthermore, because my 9yo was crying over this (and of course blaming me), Mom actually gave her a cheque (made out to me) for $100 so we could 'do something fun' - but was told not to give it to me until much later after we left so I wouldn't return it. So, the message here is that money fixes everything. Well, it doesn't. She's been selling that message to my daughter for years and I'm actually sick of it. If you can't be there and be real, stay away!

Next year, I will be better prepared and will take my children away - rent a place or something. I am hurt, a little for me, but mostly for my girls. Guess it's best to know where you stand in life.
We ended up coming home. I think a couple of days to unwind did do us all some good. My s-i-l called to tell us we couldn't have the 'other' cottage as her dd was going out. I told hubby that they could piss off and I didn't want to go anyway.

Well, back to work, daycare, and sitters today. Everyone is glad to be back, I think. I know I am. I've had enough 'family' fun for 1 year.


Steph said...

Oh Scarlett - you poor thing. This is the part where you decide YOU don't give a damn and next year you do what you/your family wants to do. You're sooooo right, family doesn't do that to family!! Just remember that your Barbie family would never put you in a tent - Scarlett does not do well in a tent!! I'm sending you (((HUGS))) and I hope that your heart heels quick!! By the way - remember that you get to be bitchy and whiny - it is the Barbie law!!

Candace said...

I do feel whiny and it's just not me. I think that getting things out there helps you get over things that bother you more quickly. Scarlett always bounces back, though.

Year 2 - May 28/08-Current